Letters to the Editor

As you enter into manhood and acquire or work out your own opinions and judgment of people, things and events around you, the chances of you being different in mind and spirit from your elders will increase. In some cases you will be right in differing from them, while in some cases, time will prove you wrong. If your elders also realize this important point, then, both will be willing to accept each other, even the while differing with each other. If both the parties believe that the truth is on his or their side, and their side alone, then, friction will grow especially if you are neither allowed your free will, nor shown why your opinions are wrong. The responsibility then, of maintaining sound relationship between you and your elders, especially the parents, has to be shared. You need to respect them, and accommodate their opinions without your own being subdued to theirs at the cost of reason, logic, and religious knowledge.

On your part, you have to remain the dutiful son that you are required to be by Islam, ignore your parents’ real or perceived wrongs and keep not only the ear open for them but also the channel of communication. At no time should it happen that you are not in no-talk terms with your parents. Arguments or heated conversations must be completely avoided as they are signs of low culture or mental imbalance, unacceptable to Allah, and what lead to a Gulf between parent and child that are not easy to remove.

By Sunni, you mean perhaps those who approve of Chilla & Chehlum, who believe the Prophet is Hadir and Nazir (present, and observing [us]), that his waseelah is necessary for the acceptance of supplications, that visits to the tombs (Dargahs) is beneficial, etc.

Although your father does himself wrong by opposing the Tableeghi Jamat, and has done you a wrong by preventing you from going with them, you have to still maintain your outward and inward decorum with him and wait for a change of heart. May be he will change his stance, or may be, as the years advance, he will decide to loosen his control on you. There is no reason to mentally or spiritually split from him, and categorize him into belonging to any category but parental. You have only one father. You cannot afford to lose him. Your salvation does not depend on the salvation of your parents. It depends on how you treat them, whatever their own fate and whatever their own practices.

The Islamic Shari`ah requires parents to treat their male and female children, not equally, but justly; i.e., observing the rules of `Adl. They should be differentiated, but, to deliver `Adl.

In outward attitudes, interactions, demonstrations of love, emotional care, etc., both should be treated equal. Once a male child appeared and the host whom the Prophet was visiting, kissed him and took him on his lap. Then there appeared his female child. The host did not kiss her and did not take her on his lap but seated her on his side. The Prophet objected and said, “Why did you not kiss her and take her on your lap.” Thus, both the female and male child should be treated equally in parental care, emotional demands and psychic needs.

On the other hand, in matters involving intellectual needs, development of abilities to deal with practicalies of life, especially, economic skills, absolute parity between male and female children is not necessary as equal treatment in this regard falls under the purview of zulm rather than `Adl. For example, a girl does not necessarily need lengthy professional education because in Islam she is not required to support the family. That is strictly a male’s job. Further, since women are by nature sedentary, to place them into tough executive jobs, stretches their abilities to cope with the exacting demands on them, leading them, on the one hand to the neglect of the new generation both male and female, as well as to psychological, marital, and social breakdown. Whenever human societies have ignored these facts, and have burdened women with responsibilities they have not been endowed (by nature) with matching qualities, the experiment has failed, causing extreme distress, emotional pain, disorientation, and, ultimately, to breakup of the families.

Therefore, a male may receive an education (such as professional courses) that a female child may not be pushed into. She needs different tools and skills to cope with the upbringing of the children, running of a home, managing the economy, and hence, must receive a different kind of education. The two, male and female children cannot be treated similarly, equally, and equitably without doing injustice to both. Islam enjoins `Adl between the two sexes and not equality.

Specifically, in our modern times, a girl should be given special training and education in Islamic disciplines. This is because the modern system of education neither programs nor allows religious education. It demands the best of the student’s time, ignoring not merely spiritual needs, but even mental and physical needs. It churns out millions of skilled male technocrats, brilliant, but physically feminine and female technocrats, brilliant, but masculine. However, since the system is not in the control of Muslims, rather in the hands of the blind, there is little they can do about it except for training their daughters in religion. In so doing, they can rest assured that whatever the future son-in-law’s fate, at least the offspring of their daughters will grow up as Muslims. To train daughters in modern disciplines, in parity with the male offspring, is an error that promises to take away the happiness of this life and the bliss of the Hereafter.

As regards restrictions, yes, there have to be greater restrictions with the girls than boys. A boy is not as much target of the marauders outside as a girl is. Physically and emotionally weaker of the two, she can fall into wrong hands. A slight error can take away the smile from her for life. Physical consequences of male-female interactions are entirely borne by the female, while the drone moves on from one flower to another.

These are few hurried lines that we can offer. The topic requires that you – specifically as a mother – make a deeper study to be able to play a more responsible role.

There is little doubt about it that you are a victim of fraud. It is very likely that the man in Australia has a wife and children. Perhaps he was looking for a maidservant for his parents, but since that would have cost him money, which, being in Australia, he wouldn’t have enough, he resorted to marriage.

You might know, as parents in general know, that such cases of deceit are not rare, especially at the hands of those expatriates who come down from the Western countries, talk big of themselves, get married on false promises, have some fun and then disappear. It is the fear of stigma that prevents women from taking any legal action. But the stigma is stuck on them anyway, and they are left deceived by the criminal, and abandoned by the society (which is so good otherwise, that it creates the criminals anyway).

No, you need not share with the second husband all you have been through with the first. You should know that you are a victim, that separation was not your making, that they are criminals, that you are an honorable person, and that the society is unjust with you. You must, therefore, keep your head high and look at those who disdain you with disdain, and sympathy, and service. Allah will take revenge from all those who played some role or the other in this dirty game, or who sided with the wrongdoer, and will afford you the coolness of eyes on the Day of Judgment.

In the meanwhile, keep struggling, with great hopes of Allah’s mercy, remain committed to His religion, but also ready to face the worst. If you are ready for the worst, nothing can unsettle you.

We are grateful for the Travelogue. However, these 75 pages are a nightmare for an abridgment worker who, in any case, is not easily to identify. We wonder whether you would have a shorter version that you might have written for some other purposes. Our own attempt might take a couple of months. All in all, it is quite interesting and we would definitely like to publish it.

We would be glad if you can look into our review of your work “Jerusalem in the Qur’an” and let us know how you evaluate it.

We are sorry to learn of your husband’s imprisonment. But you have not written why he is in prison. If he has committed a crime, he needs to repent before the following suggestion will benefit him. If it is a civil matter, such as involvement in an accident, then, we are sure matters will be easy and he should be out soon, Allah willing.

Hadith literature does not recommend any specific ayah of the Qur’an, or supplicatory words for release from prisons. He may therefore, engage himself in the prison how Yusuf (asws) engaged himself: calling people to Islam and working to improve their morals and religious affairs. In addition, and, in fact, more importantly, he should take up memorization of the Qur’an, after he had learnt some basic rules of tajweed. All these activities are possible in Saudi prisons and are counted in favor of the imprisoned. Memorization of the Qur’an helps in reduction of the length of imprisonment.

Since you are married, your indulgence in ..bation is an injustice to your spouse. As for the latter, it is strictly disallowed too.

For a frank discussion of the topics you will have to refer to large Fiqh works which are in Arabic. But, all that you will get out of them is what is stated above.

You have to live because you have been destined to live by the Life-giver. You live as long as He wills.

If you want an added reason for living, then, why not live for Islam? If you devoted yourself to an Islamic cause, wholly and completely, you will become less conscious of your failures in life. Many scholars of the past lived for no other reason but service to Islam, and ended too old to think of getting married and settle down to lives of the common people.