Letters to the Editor

Q: My husband and I stay in a joint family. Recently, a death occurred in our family. The women of the house did not comb their hair for three days after that. They tell me during these days, the departed soul is given a drop of water between ‘Asr and Maghrib. If we were to comb our hair, then the soul is denied water and is left thirsty forever.

YMD

What the women of your family say has no basis in Islam. In the entire hadith literature, we do not find anything mentioned about the dead being given a drop of water. It is only the martyrs who are alive, with Allah. As for ordinary believers, after their death and questioning by the angels, they are either subjected to punishment for their misdeeds, or, are allowed to sleep off until the Day of Judgement. They are not alive, and are not given drinks nor receive chocolates.

The statement, as given by you, also falls against the Qur’anic injunction that no soul is burdened for the deeds of another. Why should a dead man be punished for the deeds or misdeeds of those alive? In fact, the departed soul is very likely to be punished with thirst, if he was the one who encouraged the innovative practice that you have mentioned.

Alternatively, if he knew it as wrong but did not prohibit, or, received the innovative tradition and practice from the previous generation, and allowed it to prevail, without questioning its validity, then too he will be held responsible for what of the innovations are practised, for his benefit, after his death.

Another point: it is make-up and appearing bright and beautiful that is disallowed for the wife of a dead Muslim during the period of ‘Iddah. That doesn’t mean she puts on the appearances of a witch. She can wash herself, comb her hair and lead a normal life. She might not try to show herself attractive by means of bright dress, ornaments, perfumes or make-up.

Finally, the rules of ‘Iddah apply to the wife of the dead person alone. They do not apply to other women of the house, not even to his mother, daughter or sister.

Q:  I am a revert to Islam, and the behaviour and practices of my in-laws is strange and totally alien to the teachings of Islam, not supported either by the Qur’an or Hadith. They say that this is a tradition that has been passed to them by their elders from generations and they would not like me to debate on this issue.

YMD

Their refusal to discuss the issue shows that, at heart, they know that their practice is groundless. They are fearful that, if an inquiry is conducted, they’d be proven wrong, and forced to change their ways, which they do not want to. They wish to carry on, injunction or no injunction, Islam or no Islam.

Q: My husband says he follows the ways of the Tableeghi Jamaat, and yet he makes no attempt to correct these wrong practices.

YMD

Being someone who knows (or ought to know) better, his responsibility is greater. He should try to put them to the study (in a family Halaqah – circle of study) of books of Hadith: but not those that contain virtues of acts of worships, rather, collections such as Riyadh as-Saleheen and others. Nothing but a personal, direct, study of hadith will get people rid of these innovative practices. There is power in the words of the Prophet.

Q: Please advise me as to the course of action that I should take when I encounter this bizarre behaviour and irreligious practices of my in-laws.

YMD

Remove it from your mind that you will be able to cure these, or any other people’s malice through admonition, warning, or threats of punishment in the Hereafter. The more you criticize, the more adamant they will become.

Therefore, follow the Prophet’s dictum: “I am leaving behind me two things: the Book of Allah, and my Sunnah. So long as you follow them you will never be misguided.” So, what you need to do is institute a study of these two.

Now, the Qur’an is something that is a little difficult for the common people to get interested in, especially the uneducated non-Arabs; and especially so in modern times when patience with any written material is low. For women and children, who are not exposed to the complicities of life, it is all the more harder to grasp what the Qur’an is saying. In addition, lack of knowledge of the historical background renders it a total enigma to them. But the study of the Hadith is less demanding, if the right book and right portions of the book are chosen.

Translations of Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah are now available. To start with, choose and read out to the family members, every night, before going to bed, those parts of these works that speak of the Prophet’s manners and describe his person. They are interesting, simple, and impressive. Try and persuade your husband to conduct the Halaqah. If he fails, either because he doesn’t care, or because he is too timid, then you start the study circle yourself. Initially, get those around you over whom you have some influence. Children are sure to respond. To them read out 3-5 ahadith a day, at night, the last thing to do, before everyone goes to bed. Gradually, in a few months time, others will join in, one after another. Though not exactly as the Qur’an, the Hadith also has a powerful effect on the mind and soul. Gradually you will find the people adopting the Prophetic ways of life. With that, the bid’ah will exit, without you ever uttering a word about it. A precaution that is to be observed is that you will never speak out against a bid’ah. Read out the Sunnah. If that clashes with the practices at home or around, and you are asked, just say, “I am not here to comment on people’s practices. I am here to read out the Hadith. You do as you like.” If they press for a definite answer, tell them to contact a proper ‘Alim. But yourself, say not a word about the innovative practices. Otherwise, they will disperse.

Q: My mother-in-law goes to extraordinary lengths to do Purdah in front of her son-in-law. She is a lady well into her old age. Is this behaviour of hers justified? Please explain so that I get to know the truth of their actions in light of the Qur’an and Hadith?

Name & address withheld

YMD

We cannot understand why a woman, young or old, should be observing hijab against a son-in-law who is her Mahram?

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