Letters to the Editor

S.A., via email

I’m an 18 year old boy – just completed my second PUC and waiting for result. I have a classmate. It’s a girl. And we are very good friends MashaAllah.

YMD

A Muslim does not say Masha Allah on such occasions but rather, Astaghfirullah. But perhaps you do not know the meaning of either of the two words, being so young.

Her parents know I’m her good friend. I helped her a lot. Her dad recognizes me. My mom knows we are friends. Now we have begun to exchange messages on cell-phone. But the thing bothering her is that her parents don’t know this. Just they know I’m her good friend. We message each other through cell only, when we are free, and have casual talks such as ‘what your doing,’ ‘what studied,’ etc. But we both want to be in Islamic way….. Just friends…. So please advice.

YMD

Whether the parents know about it or not, the exchange of message by you two, is undesirable.

Being classmates, she must be of your age, and, therefore, much more mature than you. But, on your part, you are too young at 18 to have girl-friends.

Exchange of messages is bound to increase attachment; leading to greater contacts, meetings, etc. You will begin to think about her more and more, leading to loss of interest in studies. She being more mature, will probably complete her graduation, but you will fail. You will be spending your time in beautifying yourself, visiting her at some place or the other, and returning home thinking all about that happened when you met. Ultimately you will fail in your studies, while she will pass. Consequently, either she herself will lose interest in a drop-out, or her parents will disapprove of you and marry her off to a better educated man.

How could we say all this? Well, your story is not the first. Tens of thousands of young men have been through these episodes, and have ended on the pavements selling handkerchiefs, pens, and nail cutters.

Talk to the street vendors. Many of them will tell you that this is what they were doing 10-15 years ago, although they might not be able to connect their pavement salesmanship and romance of the past years.

Beware! Even if the girl’s parents approve of it, you should shut this door to destruction completely. Concentrate on getting a worthy degree, spending your free time studying Islam and taking part in sports to build a healthy body.

There is no shortage of women. When you have succeeded in studies and got a good job, any number of them will be available for you to choose from.

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