Letters to the Editor

Q. You have written about the rich (YMD Aug. 2001) that they “are haughty and irreligious”. What about rich philanthropists in our community? Some of them have spent crores for building and sustaining masajid and madaris. 

YMD

The observation stated the general trend. Further, that wealth brings in its wake pride, haughtiness and irreligiousness is a universally recognized fact. Throughout history, whenever a Messenger came from Allah, it were the affluent classes that opposed him. Allah said (17: 16), “And when We intend to destroy a town, We allow its affluent ones (to do their will). They work corruption in it. So the word (of punishment) comes true and We destroy it altogether.” The Prophet said, “I am not afraid of your poverty, but am afraid that you will get rich and then start slaughtering each other.” ‘Isa (asws) is in fact reported in the Bible as saying that a camel could pass through a needle but a rich man will not enter Paradise. This of course is an exaggerated statement and `Isa, being a Messenger, would not have put it unconditionally. He might have said something close to what our Prophet said, “A wealthy man will be destroyed unless he spent this way and that way.”

The above however, does not deny that there can be philanthropists among the rich. That is an entirely different matter. Nor does it conform that a rich philanthropist cannot be haughty. He can be, and in fact a few are. Further down, the above statement does not mean that a philanthropist’s womenfolk cannot be haughty. In fact, many are observed to be so. 

Q. You also state that poor women “are thankful that you married them, and remain under control.” This statement demeans women who are less wealthy than their husbands. Is finance the means of control over the wife? Are we obsessed with controlling our wives? Is “control” the fulcrum of marriage? 

YMD

Yes, control is the fulcrum of marriage. There has to be some sort of control over people’s behavior. Without that they oppress each other. Islam exercises control over its adherents through the quality of Godliness. When both husband and wife are Godly, their life together is harmonious, constructive and smooth. But, if they are not, then things become difficult between them. And when things become difficult, marriage ends in divorce. Now, Islam doesn’t approve separation, even if a pair, or one of them is ungodly. Therefore, one of the two – husband and wife – has to be subdued and controlled. Which one? Well, Islam’s answer is, the woman. It is better to bring a wife under control, by some means or the other, even if the husband is oppressive, because, if she is not controlled, but rather, given freedom, of the kind the husband has, then, she will exercise her freedom. And the exercise of freedom normally results in she walking off. But, when she walks off, and she – being emotional – does it more often than man, it is she who is the greater loser. A few others also lose, such as the children, if there are any, and the husband. Thus an entire family is destroyed. (In USA they find that the criminals come mostly from broken families).

Therefore, it is advisable to make a good start. Marry a poor woman. She is five times less likely to act tough, register independence and seek divorce. 

Q. You also say, “A country girl is better than a city girl.” If all the boys follow your advice, what will happen to the city girls?

Danyal,
Bangalore

YMD

If the selection criteria are humbleness, simplicity, obedience, etc., which occur more freely among the country girls than the city girls, and, in consequence, if they get married faster than the city girls, then the city girls will also learn to be humble, simple and obedient, assuring longer lasting marriages. A good culture will then be allowed to prevail over a bad culture. Overall results will be positive. You must be aware that divorce is less prevalent in the country-side than in the cities. The Prophet has said, “If a woman did her five (daily prayers), fasted her month (of Ramadan), guarded her chastity and obeyed her husband, she will be told, ‘Enter into Paradise by the gate of your choice.’” Shall we lead our women to Paradise?

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