Letters to the Editor

Pathan Mohsin, via email

I am a graduate student. I have been a regular reader of your magazine since two years. I have some questions.

In your October 2005 magazine your answer in ‘letters to editor’ (under ‘happiness and possession’) is not satisfactory. You have given only the cause. I want to know how we can get a full control of our Nafs.

YMD

Since many of our readers might not remember what the original question or answer was, let us recapitulate: You asked how you could control your nafs by which you meant how to control your sexual desire. We suggested that since according to your own statement your parents are  well-off, they should help you get married.

This is how we understood your question, and this is how we answered it. Now you ask us how you can fully control your nafs. If you mean how you can control your desires in general, and your sexual desire in particular, then the answer is, you cannot. No one can. Allah has placed desires in living organisms for their growth and survival. Sexual urge, for example, is for the propagation of life. It is Allah’s will that biological life should propagate. Allah’s will, will prevail. If anyone can control his desires, sexual or others, then, it will mean he has overcome Allah’s will. But no one can overcome Allah’s will. It overcomes all other wills.

Religions or philosophical systems that are not based on Revelation, believe and propagate the belief that humans can control their desires. They have worked out elaborate ways by which they claim they can help control desires. They say human desires are the main cause of many human sufferings. They show the way to a complete control of desires, which, if achieved, will lead to peace of mind and heart. They are of course wrong.

First of all, the desire to control all the desires, is itself a desire. If all desires are evil, this is also an evil desire. If you can find a way to kill the desires, this one is also likely to be killed. Secondly, the effort to control desires leads to several new desires. To take an example, they suggest: “do some exercises.” This is a new desire. Or, they say, “sit in certain a postures.” This is another desire. Or, to give another example, they say “you control how you breathe.” This is another desire. Each of these leads in its own turn to new desires. For example, doing exercise leads to the desire to create an extra hour of free time everyday to do exercises; to buying maybe a book to know how exercises are performed, to create some funds for this purpose, to get medically checked whether the exercises suggested could cause harm, etc. Thus, one desire can sprout into a myriad of desires, invisible until some action is taken.

The above was an example of one of many systems. There are other systems that suggest various other spiritual exercises, that, according to their claim, make a man stronger of will, and hence better at control of his base self.

We need not elaborate on how they fail. Every time a new system is presented, a section of the population falls prey to it. But sooner or later disappointment replaces the enthusiasm and they disperse. Then another call is made from another quarter, and people start flocking around. Within some time it also collapses. It goes on.

The whole idea is false. Desires have been created by our Creator and they cannot be destroyed, just like an atom cannot be destroyed.

Allah’s revelation through the Qur’an and Hadith give us to understand that the Islamic system does not aim at suppression of desires but rather at satisfying them. The legitimate ways of satisfying some leads automatically to the curbing of a few others. For instance, unlike Christianity where sexual activity is either sin or undesirable, and woman an evil, Islamic system urges its adherence to have sex. A hadith says, “Marriage is my Sunnah. Whoever turned away (in aversion) from my Sunnah, is not of me.” The satisfaction obtained from natural, disciplined and civilized sex leads to the curbing of other desires, such as, e.g., extramarital sex. How many spiritual leaders have not been there who exercised influence on millions preaching them sexual abstinence but were caught red handed with illegal sex partners?! Nothing works in this world, but Allah’s own guidance.

We are sure the above will be enough to lead us to ponder over other areas of the issue and arrive at the conclusion that the so-called “full control of the self (nafs),” is an illusion and a charade.

You have said that “you should be important to your family and not your salary.”  My belief is that every one is important to his family.

YMD

If you discover that you are important for your family, no matter what your achievements, then, that is a healthy family.

How can we demand our parents “to provide with a spouse?”

YMD

If you mean what right you have for demanding that you be provided a spouse and supported until you are able to find your own means, then the answer is that you have this right. And the right is given by Islam. Parents are morally obligated to meet with your material and moral needs to the extent that they can afford them. It would mean they truly love you, care for you, and hold you dearer than money. Added conditions are that you are righteous in your life, are obedient to them, serve them and are doing your best to find your own means of support for yourself and your future wife, but are not successful despite the best efforts.

And, if your parents do not have the means, and fail, despite their own sincere efforts to rescue you, then, in an Islamic state, the state is obligated to provide you with the means.

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