Letters to the Editor

Q. I am a doctor. I do some work on uniting the Muslims. Recently I received a proposal for marriage.But when my relatives came to know that they belong to tableegh jamat, they oppose it even though the girl has done `Alim course. I am not in a position to convince them. Shall I go against their wishes?

XYZ,
On Email

YMD

As we began to read, first we thought the writer was a woman. Isn’t it women who receive proposals? And this takes us to the next point. As a man, it is you who should propose: both to the girl as well as to your homefolk. That is, tell them of your decision. Who knows and understands you better than yourself? Yes, if you had been young, inexperienced, uneducated, or had fallen in love, you would have needed other’s help. But, none of these things is true. Indeed, the case is opposite. It is you therefore, who should advise your home folk and not they. After all, it is you who will be living with your wife for life, and not they. They would be gone in 10-20 years. Your relatives seem to be religiously ignorant. Or maybe they are biased. Or they could be of the Ahl al-Bid`ah. They are not afraid of Allah or do not realize that if they reject a girl for religious reasons, they invite His anger. Employing no ambiguous terms, our Prophet has advised us to marry religious women.

In your case our advice is that you look at the case first objectively. Weigh up all the advantages and disadvantages of the alliance from non-religious point of view. If you do not find anything strongly objectionable, then, finally, add the religious factor, that is, the fact that the girl is an ‘Aalimah and of a Tableeghi family. The scale will of course tilt down in her favor. Thereafter, you let the people around you know of your decision, and demonstrate to them that you are no chicken, but a man of firm decision.

You see, your relatives are there to guide you. They earn your love and respect because they can lead you to the good end. But if they prevent good things from happening, then they cannot blame anyone if they are ignored.

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