Letters to the Editor

Q: I have been married for more than twelve years. I desire to seek Khula’ from my husband. I have two boys. One is eleven and the other is seven years old, Masha Allah. But I’m stuck in a very bad situation. My husband and myself are very different personalities. We are trying to work on our marriage, but in vain. Our perspective and thinking are very different leading to fights every now and then. I always supported him, but he has always taken me for granted. His mother teaches him not to pay my Zakah, not to pay my maternity bills which then my mother paid. He also doesn’t take care of my feelings. He never loves me and supports me. I get rent on of my house brought by my mother so I get rent. So I buy my clothes and accessories and monthly needed things from it. Also he is too much in debt. I from the start of the marriage advised him not to take extra debt but he did not listen. He runs his own business which is running in complete debt. He blames me for his bad luck.

He doesn’t understand that we are his responsibility. And whenever we sit and try to discuss on such topic then we end up fighting. These things have taken a toll on my health resulting in blood pressure and thyroid. Our fights increased once I stopped working for his office. And he has no soft corner for me. Neither he cares for me. He asks what is the use of myself being so qualified is. So I wonder if he got me to do his office chore.

Please advise, because I have completely lost all love and respect for him. Also when he tries to get physical, I just don’t want to do it. I have lost complete gratitude for him and I also did Istikhara. The result was positive for me to leave this place.

Please guide in the light of Shariah. As I don’t want my self and him to land in Jahannum because of each other.

Awaiting a response.

S.K.,
On Email

YMD

Your letter leaves us depressed. It is because we find you as a wife of a man who has deceived you through and through. There was a time when you were probably well-off with your parents. Then he and his folks spotted you as someone who will assist your future husband to fulfil his dreams and offer you a goodly life. Your family’s monetary status and your own good qualifications were especially attractive elements. You might be good-looking too.

Your husband’s behaviour now, after all these years of his enjoyment, tells us that, perhaps, from the start your husband had these aims and objectives before him. Islamically uneducated and untrained, it would then not have occurred to him that, at the start, marriage is a pleasure, but is essentially a responsibility. In fact, a huge responsibility.

He never knew, and never cared to know what Islam stands for, nor was he ever made to learn that, as a Muslim, he will have to maintain you throughout life, offering you the same kind and standard of life as you were used to in your father’s home; that he will also bear the entire cost of life: housing, food, clothing, medication, and recreation, even if the wife is able to pay for them herself. And, further, influenced by the modern ideas, its fashions, social norms, and marital obligations, he never took the question of children any time serious, considered them a nuisance, a means of inconvenience, and maybe, in view of what modern culture stands for, hated them as obstacles to his life of pleasures.

These perverted ideas, given by the modern life, led him to treat life easy, which influenced his business. In consequence, he had to fail. Since he was freed of Islamic principles, he resorted to loans from the banks, (probably he was already in debt before marriage, but concealed it), and, as he went deeper into it, he is destined to lose it. Little wonder he asks you to work for him, work in his shop. He expects you to cook food, cleanse the children, feed them – and him, wash the dishes and the linen, sweep the house, and then go out for ten hours to run the business (he disappears so often). He has been taught by a destroyed and destructive culture that: Men and women are equal!

He will next ask you to sell your jewellery, if you and your family will not rescue him. But, if you did it, after some time, he will be back with debts. Perhaps, if the children grew up, get employed, then they might dispose the shop and ask him to sit at home.

That’s the story – long and short. We know him very well, because in this Ummah, there are thousands of them in every neighborhood. You are lucky to have sons. If they were girls, you were destined to the slums. This is the price the Ummah pays for abandoning Islam.

Coming to some complaints raised by you:

1. Your husband never loved you. Sex is not love. He looked at you as a means to achieve his objectives.
2. His present quarrels are because of his monetary failures.
3. He quarrels with you because you have stopped giving him.
4. His mother is with him is his marital crimes.
5. Your Zakah is your responsibility not your husband’s.
6. The amount spent on your maternity and other expenses (clothes etc.), may be demanded back of him through a Shari`ah Court and borrowed on his account and paid back to you.
7. He (or you) ought not to blame you for his business failure. He is entirely responsible for it.
8. He still has a chance to recover. Let him become a Muslim, seek Allah’s forgiveness, and do business on Islamic principles. Allah (swt) promises to forgive and guide in future. And His promise is true. But His promise is for a Muslim – not a half-Muslim, quarter-Muslim or a registered Muslim.
9. As for separation, we suggest that the leaders of the two families first understand the situation, then get acquainted with pertaining Islamic laws, and then speak to him, to stop harassing you. But there is no need for argumentation: E.g., “She said this,” “I said this,” Or, “I have warned her, but she doesn’t listen,” Or, “I have given her so much, but she doesn’t grateful,” etc. Let them warn him in simple words: “Don’t harass her. She will not work in your shop.” Repeat of the past stories will take you all nowhere. As for his financial problems, they are entirely his business as to how he will solve them, not those of the family leaders.
10. Separation should be the last resort.

Q: An Educational Encyclopaedia of Islam is, indeed, an excellent work and a very useful book.

While reading the book, my heart was saddened on the following:

While mentioning about our Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) or his name, the words, ‘Sal lallahu alaihi wa Sallam’ or ‘Peace be upon him’ was never mentioned. There is a beautiful ‘miniature’ writing in Arabic for ‘Sal lallahu alaihi wa Sallam’ which can be always easily printed. 

YMD

We are saddened to hear this comment. And it is not an uncommon comment. It is indicative of the decline in seriousness towards Islam. It speaks volumes of a superficial approach to this religion.

Regarding the missing formula, ‘Sal lallaho alai hiwasallam,’ is that all that the readers notice? Its absence actually means that an error does not exist in our Encyclopaedia. Should the readers be attempting a true criticism? Or should they try to introduce an error into the publication?

The Judicial instructions and rulings with regard to the peace formula are as follows:

• According to the majority of scholars, to say Sal lallahu alai hi wasallam is mustahab (desirable) once – in a Muslim’s lifetime.
• Yet, according to others, it is wajib in one’s lifetime, just as saying the kalimah al-shahaadah is wajib once in one’s lifetime.

The above is from a general point of view. The instructions about it will vary according to specific occasions, such as, for instance, during the Salah; etc.

• Is it wajib to say the formula every time the Prophet’s name is spelled? The answer is: no.
• Is it wajib to write the formula following the Prophet’s name in writing? The answer is: no.
• Should a short form of the formula be written following the Prophet’s name in writing? The answer is: no.
• According to some scholars, it is makruh to write a short form.
• If somebody places a formula in his writing, it is for him to say it in full while writing it.
• Does placing a formula in a piece of writing reveal a person’s love of the Prophet? The answer is: no

Then, why do they do it? The answer is:

1. Because they are ignorant of the rules.
2. Out of sentimentalism.

How do we know if a person truly loves the Prophet or not? Check out on:

1. How much of the Qur’an does he recite everyday?
2. Check on how much does he take care of the widows, the orphans, and the poor.

What if such signs are not seen in him, but the person involved swears by Allah (swt)? The person is a liar. Or, perhaps, is unaware of what makes him a Muslim.

The peace formula was introduced in writing perhaps no later than the third Islamic century. The more a people ignore the demands of faith in Islam, the dearer to them are its symbols, ikons, miniature expressions, dress designs, etc.

Q: You are aware that Allah (swt) sends His Mercies in the Holy Qur’an on our Prophet (saws) and also asks us in the Holy Qur’an to send our Salam and Darood on him. Kindly do correct this in your next edition. 

YMD

Allah’s order to us to send our Salam to the Prophet appears once in the Qur’an, but His order to follow him appears dozens of times.

Peep down in your heart: Do you truly believe in, and care, for the Qur’an?

Q: It is also desirable to write (R.A.) – for Razi Allahu Ta’ala Anhu for the Companions (Sahabis) of our Holy Prophet (saws).

YMD

Does a person feel hurt when he finds the above formula missing, but it does not hurt him that he is on record not having read nor intended to read the life of not even one of them?

He may not feel saddened, but we do.

Q: My other request as a keen reader is: Please make it into four volumes. The two volumes make it quite heavy and inconvenient to handle.

Syed Raza Balkhi ,
On Email

YMD                       

At the moment, the work on the Net is in two volumes. But, in print, a third volume has been added, but the means to put it on the Net are lacking. Similarly, fourth volume has been completed, but the means to print it are lacking. It remains in digital form. Our work continues on its 5^th volume.