On the Etiquettes of Giving and Receiving Gifts

As for the remark in Hazrat Abu Hurairah’s report that a housewife should not feel ashamed to send the gift of a part of goat’s feet to her neighbour, what it, apparently, denotes is that it is not necessary for a present to be expensive or of a standard for, then, the opportunity to offer a gift will come only rarely. Thus, suppose the feet of a goat have been cooked in the house, there should be no hesitation in sending some of them to the neighbour as a gift. It needs, however, be noted that the advice applies to cases in which one is confident that the neighbour will accept the gift gladly and not regard it an insult. The social and moral environment during the time of the holy Prophet was like that.

It shows that when anyone offered a present to the holy Prophet, he accepted it with pleasure, and himself gave something to the giver, as a gift, either at that very time or sometime later, in conformity with the Divine pronouncement: Is the reward of goodness aught save goodness? (L V: 60). The Apostle of God has given the same advice to his followers, as we shall see in some of the Traditions we are going to discuss. But, alas, even among the people of quality and distinction, there are few in the Ummat who care to observe it.

It tells that if a person were to receive a present from a friend, he should, also, offer him something in return, and should he not be in a position to do so, he should utter a word of goodness for him and speak of his kindness to others. It, too, will be reckoned with the Lord as an expression of gratitude. On the contrary, a person who receives a gift and hides it from others and does not even say Jazaak Allah will be guilty of ingratitude. The last part of the saying, it would seem, denotes that anyone who shows himself off, through his dress etc., as possessing a virtue, such as, learning or spirituality, which he does not really have is a cheat and an imposter.

By adding it to the advice about a gift or offering, what the holy Prophet, probably, meant was to emphasise that if a person who is lacking in qualities owing to which people, generally, consider it an act of virtue to offer a gift to anyone, gives an impression through his clothes, conversation or way of life that he is endowed with those attributes in order to obtain gifts and presents from others, he is no better than a swindler.

It shows that anyone who offers a gift or does a favour in any other way should be thanked sincerely for it and prayer made for his well-being. A person who fails to do so proves himself to be ungrateful to God as well. According to some commentators, what it seeks to stress is that anyone who does not. feel indebted to his benefactors is sadly wanting in the sense of obligation, and will not be grateful even to God.

Apparently, Jazaak Allah Khaira is a prayer formula, but when anyone prays for his benefactor in these words, he, as it were, acknowledges his inability to repay the debt of gratitude he owes to him and declares that only the Supreme Being, the Gracious One, can requite him, and, together with it, beseeches the Lord to reward him bountifully for his goodness, It is, thus, a prayer as well as an acknowledgement of the benefactor’s kindliness and humanity.

When the holy Prophet had migrated from Mecca to Medina, a large number of Mahajirs, too, had come with him. In the early days, as is well known, the Ansars of Medina had made all of them their guests, solely for the sake of God. They cultivated the fields and did all the work themselves, and, yet, shared the income with the Emigrants. There were rich as well as poor among the Ansars, but they all joined ungrudgingly in the service of the Mahajirs. The well-to-do spent of their wealth, with open hands, on the Mahajirs, while even those who were poor preferred to go hungry in order to help them. It was in those circumstances that the Emigrants thought if it was going to be that because of their unparalleled generosity and selflessness, the Ansars took all the reward on their, (the Emigrants’), good deeds, like Migration and worship, and they, themselves, gained nothing. As they expressed the fear to the holy Prophet, he assured them that it would not be so provided that they prayed to God for their helpers, the Ansars-, in return for their large-heartedness and hospitality, and acknowledged what they owed to them with an open heart and felt grateful. The Lord will accept it as recompense, from their side, for the benevolence of the Ansars and requite them bounteously from His own treasures for the brotherly love and high mindedness displayed by them.

If an ordinary thing like a flower was refused, the giver might feel that his gift had been refused because of its ordinariness, and it hurt his feelings. In another Tradition, quoted in Tirmizi, it is stated that “whoever is offered a sweet-smelling flower should not decline to accept it for a sweet-smelling flower is a gift of paradise”. In Sahih Muslim, it is, further, mentioned, oil the authority of Hazrat Anas, that “the practice of the Apostle of God was that he never refused a perfume.”

The peculiarity with the three things mentioned above, again, is that they cost little and the person who offers them is made happy on seeing them being used by the recipient.

In the two afore-mentioned narratives, it is told that a gift is worthy of acceptance only when it is offered with a sincere heart and no other motive or reason is attached to it.