On Restraining Anger

The holy Prophet has suggested a psychological remedy, in it, for the control of one’s feelings when aroused, and there is no doubt about its efficacy. Another advantage of it is that by sitting down firmly at a place, or, still more, by lying down, the possibility of many nasty and harmful things a man, generally, does in anger is reduced.

It tells of an excellent method of controlling one’s temper which is more effective than all the other methods. If a person can remember this Tradition when his anger is aroused and get up and perform the Wuzu thoroughly and well, his temper will cool down immediately, and he will feel that the water used in it was falling directly on the flames of indignation.

To ‘drink’ anger is an idiom in the Arabic language, as it is in Urdu, and, perhaps, it bas been borrowed in Urdu from Arabic. What the above Tradition seeks to convey is that though there are many things which people drink and it is pleasing to the Lord when they do so, nothing gives Him greater pleasure than that a person ‘drank’ anger for His sake.

In the words of the Qur’an, one of the distinguishing qualities of the virtuous bond men for whom Paradise has been laid, is that “they control their wrath, and are forgiving towards mankind.” (III:134)

As we all know, when a man is enraged, his foremost desire is to give expression to his anger. Thus, anyone who will control his feelings and forgive the person or persons who have angered him, for the sake of God, and in spite of having the power to punish them, his reward, in the Hereafter, will be that the Almighty will summon him to His presence, before the whole creation, and tell him to select, in return for the sacrifice, whoever he liked from among the brides of Paradise.

Once a deputation of the tribe of AbdilQais had come to meet the holy Prophet in Medina, and, it so happened, that all the members of it jumped down from their mounts and rushed to the place where the Prophet was sitting except their leader, Munzir, who was, also, known as Ashajj. Instead of showing impatience, Ashajj calmly collected luggage, and put it at a safe place, and, then, took a bath and changed his clothes, before going to meet the Apostle. The Prophet appreciated his cool and dignified way of doing things and showed it by making the remark we have seen above.

What it tells is that to perform one’s duties in a steady and composed. manner is a commendable quality and a Divine gift, whereas unseemly haste is a bad habit and bears the stamp of the Devil.

It shows that to indulge in indecent language is below the dignity of a true Believer. To revile and resort to coarse and insulting speech at the time of a dispute is the quality of a Hypocrite.

The sum and substance of the above Tradition is that even if a man is not good, we should speak to him with politeness, otherwise people may begin to avoid our company on ‘account of our incivility, and such a man is worthless in the sight of God, and he will be in great loss in the Hereafter.

A few points are worth elaborating in this context.

(A) The holy Prophet had, probably, wanted to tell those who were with him, at that time, about the man who wanted to come in that he was an undesirable person, and, therefore, they should take care not to say or do anything that was not to be said or done in the presence of such a man. To warn, with such an intention, against the wickedness or depravity of anyone does, of course, not amount to back-biting. On the other hand, it is our duty to do so, as the following Tradition denotes: “Tell people of the evil that may be present in a corrupt and unprincipled person so that they took care to protect themselves from his mischief,” (Kanzul `Ummal).

(B) We should talk gently even to those about whom we know that they are not good people, In another account of the same incident, mentioned in Bukhari, it is, distinctly, stated that the holy Prophet received the man with a smile and talked to him pleasantly, It goes to show how wrong they are who suppose that one should not behave decently with men who are, bad or vicious in ones judgement, Imam Bukhari, further, has quoted it directly from Hazrat Abu Darda, a celebrated Companion of the Prophet, that “we meet and speak to many people in a pleasant and courteous manner whom we curse in our hearts on account of their deeds and character.”

If at any time, however, the expression of severity and displeasure is necessary or expedient, it will be proper to disregard the advice given above.

(C) In yet another version of the Tradition under discussion, it is stated, on the authority of Hazrat Abu Darda, that when Hazrat Ayesha inquired from the sacred Prophet why he had met and spoken so politely to the man about whom he had said that he was not good, the Apostle of God replied: God does not hold him dear who uses foul or hurtful language.” Meaning, how could the Prophet be discourteous and impolite when it was apparent that a vulgar or bitter tongue deprived a man of the love of God.

This saying is a part of a long narrative. Imam Bukhari has reproduced the whole of the report while, at one place, he has quoted only this one sentence. The meaning is obvious. To talk to anyone in a polite and pleasing manner is to bring joy to his heart which, evidently, is an act of virtue.